26 AugRemoving the Stigma from Couples Therapy by Dr. Konstantin Lukin, Ph.D. Couples Therapy. Sounds like trouble, right? There’s an unfortunate stigma attached to the idea of couples counseling and therapy (and therapy in general for that matter) that turns many people away from this potentially relationship-saving service. Some couples refuse to even entertain the possibility of attending, while others might reluctantly go, but don’t believe in its efficacy or importance. We go to doctors when we’re sick, bring our cars to a mechanic when they need repairs, and take our iPhones to the Apple store when they’re on the fritz — so why not bring our relationships in for a tune-up when we’re having trouble communicating with one another? Especially here in America, individualism and independence are prized more so than in other more collectivist cultures. Media depictions of couples therapy are often oversimplified, made humorous, and belie the amount of real work necessary.” In turn, seeking help in personal matters can be seen as a sign of weakness. But couples who can manage to free themselves from judgment (both from the outside world and from within) open themselves up to a world of possibilities for interpersonal improvement. Couples therapy sessions ensure that both partners are on the same page now and will be in the future. They’ll also help to open up lines of communication, reconcile negative feelings harbored from past events, and develop new strategies for handling interpersonal hardship. It’s also only the business of those involved — the therapist and the two partners. No one else has to know. You may think — “but isn’t couples therapy typically a last resort before divorce?” — not necessarily. Couples should always be seeking ways to connect, communicate, and enjoy their time with one another. This doesn’t mean that couples therapy is easy. Communicating can be hard – after all, you’ve had trouble connecting all this time, right? Emotionally Focused Therapy Couples therapy is undergoing a serious transformation. Today, rather than simply providing strategies for coping with conflict, couples therapy focuses on identifying memories which, positive or negative, shape relationship perception. EFT involves questioning these memories and related emotions, and when necessary reframing them in the mind. With the help of a licensed psychotherapist, couples can use this approach to systematically discover negative emotions that have been ignored and avoided, bring them to the surface, and resolve them through effective communication. If you need help communicating your needs with your partner or want to discuss therapy options for yourself, give us a call and we’ll schedule some time to connect with you. Our offices are located in Hoboken and Ridgewood, NJ. Author Dr. Konstantin Lukin, Ph.D. Dr. Konstantin Lukin is a psychologist, author, speaker, and researcher specializing in men’s issues, couple’s counseling, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). He is the Director and Co-Founder of the Lukin Center, northern New Jersey’s premiere evidence-based psychotherapy practice. The Lukin Center emphasizes evidence-based treatments such as emotion-focused therapy for couples, and cognitive and dialectical behavioral therapies for children, adolescents, and adults. Since its inception, the Lukin Center has grown to include testing and assessment as well as medication management services. As a therapist, Dr. Lukin focuses on providing support and practical feedback to help clients effectively address personal life challenges. He integrates complementary modalities and techniques – including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), schema-focused therapy, and emotion-focused therapy (EFT) – to offer a personalized approach tailored to each client. With compassion and understanding, he works with his clients to help them build on their strengths and attain the personal growth to which they are committed. Dr. Lukin has extensive experience in private practice, conducting outpatient therapy with children, adolescents, and adults. He also has extensive clinical and research experience with people of all ages and their families, including those diagnosed as severely and persistently mentally ill, in both inpatient and outpatient settings. He has co-led groups for children, adolescents, and adults diagnosed with OCD in an outpatient setting. He is trained and experienced in administering a variety of psychological test batteries including neuropsychological, cognitive, and personality assessments, and he has conducted diagnostic and intake interviews and prepared evaluation reports. Dr. Lukin is a graduate of the Honors College at SUNY at Stony Brook, and earned his doctorate from Fairleigh Dickinson University.
