4 DecPsychology Today: If I Make Money, Can I Control How It’s Spent? by Dr. Konstantin Lukin, Ph.D. I often see couples where one partner makes the money while the other takes care of the kids. While these roles have been slowly changing over time, still to this day, it’s more common than not that the former is the husband and the latter is the wife. But regardless of who makes the money, the question still remains: does the person who makes it get to exclusively control how it’s spent. The obvious answer is NO. But some “breadwinners,” if you will, make the mistake of falling into the mindset that since they make the money, they have the right to make the financial decisions. In this scenario, the wife (typically) ends up filling the role of the child caretaker, is not seen as a financial contributor to other members of the family, and is therefore discounted. On the other hand, the wife ends up primarily making the decisions for the children, making the husband feel left out this time. When a couple falls into this cycle, it’s important to try to keep the following in mind. Use the communal approach A communal approach to financial decisions and parenting is optimal for both familial bonding and connection between romantic partners. When couples are on the same page, and on the same line in terms of the spending, it’s clear that they are planning for their life together. Making decisions as a family and for your family, including children, should always be done with equal consideration for each member of the couple, regardless of who makes the money; or more money. Read the Full Article on Psychology Today Author Dr. Konstantin Lukin, Ph.D. Dr. Konstantin Lukin is a psychologist, author, speaker, and researcher specializing in men’s issues, couple’s counseling, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). He is the Director and Co-Founder of the Lukin Center, northern New Jersey’s premiere evidence-based psychotherapy practice. The Lukin Center emphasizes evidence-based treatments such as emotion-focused therapy for couples, and cognitive and dialectical behavioral therapies for children, adolescents, and adults. Since its inception, the Lukin Center has grown to include testing and assessment as well as medication management services. As a therapist, Dr. Lukin focuses on providing support and practical feedback to help clients effectively address personal life challenges. He integrates complementary modalities and techniques – including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), schema-focused therapy, and emotion-focused therapy (EFT) – to offer a personalized approach tailored to each client. With compassion and understanding, he works with his clients to help them build on their strengths and attain the personal growth to which they are committed. Dr. Lukin has extensive experience in private practice, conducting outpatient therapy with children, adolescents, and adults. He also has extensive clinical and research experience with people of all ages and their families, including those diagnosed as severely and persistently mentally ill, in both inpatient and outpatient settings. He has co-led groups for children, adolescents, and adults diagnosed with OCD in an outpatient setting. He is trained and experienced in administering a variety of psychological test batteries including neuropsychological, cognitive, and personality assessments, and he has conducted diagnostic and intake interviews and prepared evaluation reports. Dr. Lukin is a graduate of the Honors College at SUNY at Stony Brook, and earned his doctorate from Fairleigh Dickinson University.
