5 Signs You’re Having an Identity Crisis

The person you think you are and the way you act around others don’t always mesh. Certain life events, such as trauma or loss, or a new phase of life, can have you questioning your sense of identity and who you really are. Here are several signs you’re going through an identity crisis and tips on how to cope. 

Need help finding your way through an identity crisis? Call our team of experts at The Lukin Center for Psychotherapy.

What Is Your Identity?

Your identity is your sense of who you are, both as an individual and in relation to others and society. Your identity includes your personal characteristics, encompassing who you are physically, mentally, and in your relationships. The social roles you play are also a part of your identity. 

There are also other aspects of who you are that form your identity, such as your unique memories and interpretations of them, your values, and the long-term goals you pursue. How you see yourself also depends on what you expect out of life and from yourself and others, and your basic beliefs. No one else has the same identity as you do.

Because questions about identity often involve your values, experiences, relationships, and sense of self, individual therapy can provide a supportive space to explore those questions without feeling pressured to have all the answers immediately.

What Is an Identity Crisis?

An identity crisis is a period of uncertainty or questioning about your sense of self—who you are, what you value, what you believe, and where you fit in your relationships or life. It can happen when a major change, transition, loss, or new role causes you to reevaluate parts of yourself that once felt stable.

Psychologist Erik Erikson introduced the concept of an identity crisis as part of psychosocial development, particularly during adolescence. However, questions about identity can arise at many different stages of life.

However, identity crises don’t happen just during adolescence. You could have an identity crisis any time that you undergo a life transition or find yourself in a significantly different situation or role. It could happen during midlife. An identity crisis could happen to soldiers returning to civilian life. You may be in a new relationship or having a major health problem. Or, you could have an identity crisis during the time you are moving quickly toward retirement from your work.

What Does an Identity Crisis Look Like?

When you are going through an identity crisis, your life may look somewhat chaotic to you and even to others. In a way, you are on a quest to discover who you will be in this next phase of your life. Therefore, you may experiment, trying out different roles in your relationships and personal behaviors. 

Your values may begin changing and may conflict with your old values as you move toward a new sense of self. Along the way, you may feel a lot of uncertainty about who you are and where you fit into society. 

If you can’t get past this phase, the identity crisis signs continue, and you find yourself in a state of identity confusion. Fortunately, if you pass through this phase successfully, you can gain a higher level of maturity and a stronger sense of self.

5 Signs You’re Having an Identity Crisis

Your identity crisis might not be obvious to you. You will likely know that something is different and uncomfortable for you. Yet, if you aren’t mental health professional, you might not know what is happening to you. So, how do you know if you’re having an identity crisis? Here are the top five identity crisis signs.

1. Questioning your basic understanding of who you are

One of the identity crisis signs is questioning the aspects of yourself that make you who you are. For example, you might question your basic character. “Am I a kind person? Am I an intelligent person? Am I an honest person?” 

You might also question certain traits that affect your perception of yourself. Examples include whether you are really an extrovert, whether you are easy to get along with, and whether you are conscientious in your work. 

Finally, identity crisis signs may show up as questioning what matters to you most. You may ask yourself if you are passionate about the things that you thought were your driving force in life. You may wonder what your purpose in life is and whether it is different from what you thought it was. 

2. Feeling anxiety, agitation, or dissatisfaction with life

Going through an identity crisis can feel extremely uncomfortable. You may feel disturbed by the thoughts you are having and the changes you are experiencing. Identity issues can bring a state of turmoil, making you feel anxious, agitated, and unhappy with the way your life is going.

3. Changing yourself to suit any environment, situation, or relationship.

During this unsettled stage of your life, you may find yourself changing your values frequently. Rather than maintaining a stable identity in any situation, you shift to different values or tendencies based on where you are, who you are in relationships with, and the situation you are in at the time. 

While adapting to different environments to a certain extent is not a problem, it can be distressing if your basic sense of self is clouded by confusion.

4. Trouble answering questions about yourself

Suppose you are having a conversation with someone you just met. If they ask you questions about yourself to get to know you, do you find it hard to come up with answers? Or, during a job interview, do you feel mystified when the hiring manager asks you about your traits or characteristics? If so, these might be identity crisis signs.

5. Not being able to trust that you can make good decisions

Because your values and beliefs are constantly shifting during an identity crisis, you may feel that you can’t make a reasonable decision. You may vacillate between various options, never settling on any one choice. If you do make a decision, you might second-guess yourself. This could cause you to change your mind multiple times or feel like a failure. Therefore, your self-esteem may plummet.

When Identity Difficulties May Be Part of Something More

• Clarify what still feels important to you. Write down the values, relationships, responsibilities, interests, or goals that still feel meaningful. Even when other parts of your identity feel uncertain, identifying what continues to feel authentic can give you a starting point.
• Give yourself time before making major decisions. Feeling uncertain about yourself can create pressure to make immediate changes. When possible, give yourself enough time to consider whether a decision reflects what you genuinely want or is simply a reaction to discomfort.
• Notice where you feel most like yourself. Pay attention to the people, environments, activities, and situations where you feel comfortable expressing your thoughts, preferences, and values. These patterns may offer clues about the parts of your identity that feel most consistent.
• Set boundaries when outside expectations become overwhelming. During periods of uncertainty, other people’s opinions or expectations can make it harder to understand what you want. Healthy boundaries can give you room to reflect on your own needs, values, and priorities.
• Avoid coping strategies that create additional problems. Alcohol or drug use, impulsive decisions, unsafe behavior, or other forms of avoidance may temporarily distract you from uncertainty but can make it harder to understand what you are actually experiencing.
• Talk through the questions rather than avoiding them. Discussing what has changed with someone you trust can help you organize your thoughts. A mental health professional can also help you explore patterns involving your identity, relationships, emotions, and life transitions when those questions become difficult to sort through on your own.

When Should You Consider Getting Help for an Identity Crisis?

Periods of questioning and self-reflection can be a normal part of change. However, consider talking with a mental health professional if uncertainty about your identity persists, causes significant distress, interferes with work or relationships, makes everyday decisions difficult, or occurs alongside intense emotional or behavioral changes. Therapy can help you explore what is changing and develop a clearer understanding of what matters to you moving forward.

Getting Professional Help for Identity Issues

If questions about your identity are becoming difficult to work through on your own, psychotherapy can help you explore what may be contributing to the uncertainty and how it is affecting your emotions, relationships, decisions, and daily life. At the Lukin Center, our clinicians provide evidence-based psychotherapy for individuals experiencing life transitions, relationship difficulties, emotional distress, identity concerns, and other mental health challenges.

The goal is not simply to define who you are, but to better understand the experiences, values, relationships, and patterns shaping how you see yourself so you can move forward with greater clarity and confidence.

Could you be going through an identity crisis? Contact the Lukin Center to learn how therapy may help you find a path forward.